At the end of last school year I was voted (a tie actually) as the quietest member of our school's faculty. I frequently will sit in gatherings, of people I like, and not say a single word for hours and still have a wonderful time. I often need to share things in conversation but when I am sorting out what I how to say it I'll lose my chance to speak and never get the opportunity to express my thoughts.
I am not shy. I am not self-centered. I am not a rude person. I am not stand-offish. I am not anti-social. I am not disinterested. ... I am an introvert.
While McHugh offers many thoughts for the introvert in today's church, the most helpful parts of the book for me are the clear insights into what it means to be an introvert. "People who enjoy reflection and solitude, and listen more than they speak..." McHugh gives three key components of an introverted personality. The first, "Introverts are energized by solitude. We are recharged from the inside out, from the forces of our internal world of ideas and feelings," is perhaps the one that makes us most misunderstood by the extroverts in our lives.
As much as the need for solitude is true in my life, the trait that resonates most clearly with me is the tendency for internal processing. "Introverts process internally, in the workings of our own minds. We integrate and think silently. Ideally, we like to be removed from external stimuli and people in order to process. Our thinking precedes our speaking, which means we will often pause as we reflect and carefully choose our words." I have been told repeatedly over the past few years that it is impossible to know what I am thinking, or that nothing ever seems to bother me. This is not true, and sometimes a cause for frustration because no one ever seems to know when I am upset, but McHugh says this is common for introverts. "Though we may appear composed on the outside, our minds are in a state of constant activity. When important or difficult information comes our way, ideas swirl in our heads in a hurricane of mental activity while our faces show no ripples."
McHugh's final trait of the introvert is the desire for depth over breadth. "Introverts are rarely content with surface-level relationships and do not generally consider our acquaintances to be friends. We may find small talk to be disagreeable and tiring. Because we often prefer to spend time in one-on-one interactions, rather than group socializing, our relationships can run deeper." While this is true those relationships are often very difficult to develop, especially with extroverts who don't understand the effort it takes for an introvert to reveal their true selves. "While extroverts commonly feel loneliness when others are absent, introverts can feel most lonely when others are present, because ours is the aching loneliness of not being known or understood." At one point in the book, McHugh illustrates introverts as an onion being revealed by peeling back one layer at a time. Finding others with the patience and willingness to work through that process with you is difficult. So, introverts will often just withdraw from others, but in doing so we miss out on the importance of Christian community.
After the honest exploration of what it is to be an introvert, what I most appreciate is that McHugh does not use introversion as something to hide behind. "We must always be open to the sovereign God who can shake us to our cores, who gives us the strength to transcend the limitations of our humanness and to do things we never thought possible.
One passage of the book that hit so closely to home that I actually laughed despite its serious nature described the outlet of modern technology. "There is a degree of distance in communication via e-mail, and this distance frees us to be more vulnerable then we might normally be. In a similar way, there is an anonymity to online relationships; for example, blogs and networking websites enable us to express our inner thoughts to others from the privacy of our own homes, again using the written word, which is usually our preferred method of communication. ...Technology can become for us a hiding place..." It is so much easier for me to have a conversation online, whether by email, chat, or status updates, than to talk with anyone face-to-face. The process of typing, seeing what I am about say, and having the opportunity to refine my thought before actually submitting it, frees me from the constant analysis going on in my mind. Electronic transmission also allows for layered conversations, making it easier to return to earlier comments after my mind has had the chance to process. Unfortunately, it is too easy to hide behind the computer screen and it becomes just one more piece of the wall blocking me off from true connection with others.
The second half of the book deals with the issue of introverted leadership and worship in the church. Modern Christianity has become so wrapped up in "performance" that introverts are frequently seen as incapable leaders or not as spiritually committed. While many of the points on which I disagreed with McHugh take place in this portion of the book, there are still many things that bear examination. Charisma does not always make the best leader but often introverts are overlooked for leadership roles despite their deliberative and analytical approach to situations.
The modern worship service is also discussed. The constant activity and appeal to outward expressions of devotion rarely satisfy the introvert, who prefers time for quiet reflection and the opportunity for serious soul-searching. However, McHugh does not stress creating a completely introvert-friendly worship environment. He recognizes that the church is made up of both introverts and extroverts and as such should provide elements of worship that allow both groups to worship freely, but also should to some degree make both groups uncomfortable because sometimes worship is about pushing us out of our comfort zone.
This was definitely a book that made me think. About myself. About others. About how I relate to others. About how I relate to myself. About how I relate to God. I can conclude the review with no better statement than McHugh's own... "As we make this movement into community, we will find that it's not merely about us finding a place for ourselves, but it's about God showing us where we belong and the gifts we are to others."
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